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Book: Choice Theory
Author: William Glasser, MD
Review by: Chandra Leavitt
According to William Glasser, “Good relationships are important to a successful life.” All life experiences are based on a relationship with someone. They are in our families, in our communities, in our workplace and in our social lives. Glasser further points out something that for several years now is a strong belief of my own - adolescents need a good parent-child and teacher-student relationship if they are to avoid self destructive behaviors. I also found great hope in Glasser’s belief that violence is not irreversibly imprinted into the brains of many young people who seem callous and hard to reach.
A lot of research is saying the opposite today and it has never resonated with my soul that we as a society must give up hope on these young people who have been subjected to so much adversity. This is why coaching using the theory of choice continues to be relevant as a necessary ingredient in giving service to parents, young adults, teens and families. According to the choice theory, “we choose everything we do, including the misery we feel.” What a profound point of view.
This quote can change people’s lives. The answer lies in preventing failing relationships rather than looking for better ways to fix people who are failing. Hence, the power of coaching.
Another profound excerpt from Glasser’s book: “to be happy, I believe that we need to be close to other happy people.” I can’t help but think of Jack Canfields quote that I use and think of daily. “If you want to fly like an eagle, don’t hang out with turkeys.” Again, choice.
Glasser’s book gives a great foundation for self discovery and leads us to great information that can translate into self discovery tools for self development of ourselves and our clients. I enjoyed exploring “where I am” with my own basic needs and feeling and being in-tune to my own quality world. Quality worlds for teens depend on their parents more than ever as parent-child relationships are more exposed to disarray. It doesn’t need to be this way, and just knowing that there are alternatives to grow great relationships within a parent /teen partnership is not only possible but essential in growing new generations of peaceful families who live in complete harmony.
I think what intrigued me the most was the totally new concept of entertaining the idea that depression is a choice. There is so much science today that implies that it is something we have no control over. The whole concept that mental illness in itself is a choice causes me to shift my thinking to one of openness and thinking outside of the box.
The quote that further opens my mind to believe even more strongly in Glasser’s theory that mental illness is a choice is this: “It is no kindness to treat unhappy people as helpless, hopeless or inadequate, no matter what has happened to them.” Imagine as a coach even thinking of treating our clients this way. Our clients are naturally, creative, resourceful and whole. Believing that someone is helpless or hopeless would not be standing in integrity with who or what a coach is. A great coach places a stake in the ground and stands in the belief that all people are naturally creative, resourceful and whole. A great coach works as a co-active partner which helps breed a great relationship. A great coach asks as opposed to advises. A great coach always empowers her client to choose what needs to be discovered. A great coach walks beside her client, never in front or behind. Glasser’s theories serve as the foundation for great relationships and how to create them. Choice theory is coaching. Everyone can choose to be that coach. Imagine this world if everyone was a coach.
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